


Just Swwimmingly

by NuancedNarrative



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Empress Feferi Peixes, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuancedNarrative/pseuds/NuancedNarrative
Summary: Your name is Eridan Ampora. Your moirail, the Empress of Alternia, has designated you ambassador of troll-human relations.You never knew how little a title could mean.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Feferi Peixes
Kudos: 16





	1. wwhat do you mean your luggage isn't alivve here

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: ---Eridan!   
CC: ------Errriiidddannn!   
CC: >8/   
CC: Land already silly! I need to )(ear about your trip!!   
CA: wwell gee fef if i could make the shuttle land any faster id fuckin do it   
CC: T)(ere you are! 38D   
CC: )(ow was your flig)(t??   
CC: You're on eart)( rig)(t now aren't you? W)(at's it like? Does it smell different? )(ave you run into any )(UMANS yet?   
CC: Tell me ----EV-ERYT)(ING!   
CA: wwell lets see here   
CA: the transport shuttle definitely aint ambassador wworthy ill say   
CA: it wwas a metal cylinder held together wwith gelatinous adhesivve solution   
CA: earth is ok i guess i mean nothin special   
CA: not like ivve left the station yet   
CA: cant smell anythin yet because of depressurization   
CA: as for those wweird pink apish things yeah ivve run into a feww   
CA: the ones in the blue uniforms dropped my portable storage case wwhen it twwitched its legs   
CA: i guess that aint normal here for some reason??   
CC: )(umans AR-E very different, -Eridan! Despite t)(e similarities between our cultures.   
CC: Remember my briefing?   
CA: ehh   
CC: -ERIDAN! >8(   
CC: I don't expect you to remember every nic)(e of )(uman culture, but if you remember anyt)(ing just remember t)(e no culling rule.   
CC: T)(ey take it very seriously and it'll complicate everyt)(ing and t)(en w)(ere would we be?(   
CC: I need your A game, not your sea!   
CA: alright alright i wwont go cullin anyone   
CC: -Efin if t)(ey annoy you!   
CA: evven if they annoy me   
CC: Good! And remember, w)(en in doubt, just smile and be polite!   
CC: They LOV-E that there!   
CA: alright fef ill really try   
CA: for you   
CC: You'll do great, -Eridan!   
CC: I just know you're gonna bring peace between our two races! I c)(ose you for a reason!   
CC: You'll inspire )(ope across Alternia and -Eart)(! Isn't t)(at -EXCITING?!   
CA: wwell lets not get ahead of ourselvves here   
CA: this is me wwere talkin about   
CC: ---EXACTLY!   
CA: aww geez   
CA: this human is tellin me my cab is ready   
CA: wwhatevver that is   
CC: T)(ey're probubbly t)(ere to take you to your )(ive!   
CC: T)(ey call t)(em apartments!   
CC: Good luck -Eridan! Talk to me w)(en you get t)(ere!! 38)   


caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]


	2. can you really call this a hivve stem, i didn't get a recuperacoon or nothin

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and humans are very odd creatures.

You're led outside to a gray sky and neutral air. The human who's led you outside, clad in all black, gestures to a car with black tinted windows, and then walks back inside the building. You surmise that means "go in", though you wish the command had been verbal. They couldn't even be bothered to have a parade for the ambassador of another planet. Maybe it wasn't in the budget. Maybe it was a quirk of human culture. Or maybe, maybe they just spite you in particular.

The doors of the car open as soon as you approach them. You get in, not even being able to see the driver through a black tinted window separating the front and back of the vehicle. The door closes, and you start moving. Human transport is strange. As far as you could tell, your transport has no legs or organic material to speak of. It seemed entirely mechanical. If anyone asked, which they wouldn't, you'd call it inconvenient. Biological integration into technology isn't THAT difficult. Surely these humans were somewhat capable. They went to a rock orbiting their planet once. Honestly.

Before long, the car stops and the door opens. You step out with your luggage in tow to see a hivestem. You knew you were judging the building by completely different standards-a difference that spanned light years-but it was undeniably...average. Not broken down, nor fixed and pristine. Just unremarkable. Unremarkable like the weather, and your coming here. Checking in is most likely similar to how hivestems worked in Alternia, minus a blood check or two. So you head inside.

Unsurprisingly, the lobby is equally unremarkable. A few chips on the wallpaper, but nothing overtly decrepit. An older looking female human looks up at you from behind the counter, looks back down, and sighs.

"Name?" she asks you, completely uninterested. Well, you were about to make them interested.

"Eridan Ampora, ambassador of Alternia." you proudly sniff. The glance she gives you tells you that no, the interest level has not peaked in the slightest. Begrudgingly she retrieves a key with a number inscribed on it from a drawer. 

"Room 121. No noise after 8 PM." she says, handing you the key. You take it, and she goes back to whatever she was reading. Walking past an out of order elevator, you go to walk up the stairs. You are becoming exceedingly annoyed at your lack of appreciative treatment. By right of being ambassador, surely, you should have at least gotten a complimentary bathrobe. Preferably in your blood color. You make it to the door.

After fumbling with the lock for some time, you manage to open it. The resounding creak it gives echoes the blanched hallways of the building. Icing on the crummy three layered cake. That feeling of irritation grows.

The apartment is dark when you enter. A strange smell hits your nose. Like someones cooking something. By the slight faintness, it is more likely the smell of someone having just cooked something. And indeed, when you look to the squalid meal block, pans lay about. Some empty, some filled with green. What madman broke into your apartment and made...whatever this is? You haven't put your bags down and already you may be dealing with a break in.

You put your bags down in the kitchen and take your wand out. If the intruder is human, you don't think any weapon they have is a match against magic (science). When you enter the living room, you see a silhouette of messy hair and a wiry frame sitting on the floor. The TV is a splash of colors, which illuminates the room, yet does little to brighten it. 

"Now look here, I've had a pretty crummy fuckin' day, and your stupid legal system makes culling really complicated, so get out or I'll make you" you say, hand rigid on your wand. The figure doesn't react at all. Maybe they're deaf. All the more reason to cull them. They can't be blind if they're watching TV, though, so you turn on the light. The figure seems to notice a change in the environment. They turn around to face you.

You're surprised to see horns that weren't visible from behind. Their grey face is slathered in white makeup. You recognize it as the common juggalo attire. Their shirt bore a purple capricorn symbol. Something about them strikes you as regrettably familiar. They blink at you slowly, and with half lidded eyes their face breaks into a crooked smile.

"Heyyyy, new roomie. Mind turning those motherfuckin lights off? I'm tryna admire all the fine colors on this miracle box." 

It is at this current moment you realize your time on earth isn't going to go very swimmingly at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan has no idea. (But I do.)


End file.
